1. Tim Tebow’s future is likely to be:
A. TV analyst on CBS
B. Business man on Wall Street
C. Media personality on magazine covers
D. Football quarterback on the unemployment line
2. Toronto Maple Leafs brass are busy these days:
A. Scanning the waiver wire for diamonds in the rough
B. Working on improving their powerplay.
C. Promoting the team to fill all the seats in the ACC
D. Organizing the route for next June’s Stanley Cup parade
3. Don Cherry is:
A. One of Canada’s best dressed men
B. One of the most controversial sports broadcasters in Canada
C. One of the worst manglers of the English language
D. A finalist, with Rob Ford and Mike Duffy, for Canadian Male Buffoon of the Year.
4. Rory McIlroy can hardly wait:
A. To find his 2012 game in 2014
B. To find some solitude, away from the media spotlight
C. To find the proper feeling with his new clubs
D. To find a new girlfriend.
5. Sidney Crosby wears No. 87 because
A. That’s the year he was born — 1987
B. That’s the month and day he was born: Aug. 7
C. The number of goals he hopes to score this year
D. In millions, the value of his next contract.
6. The saddest film one will likely see:
A. Schlinder’s List
C. Sophie’s Choice
D. Blue Bombers highlight show of 2013
7. Almost guaranteed to be seen at the Sochi Olympics:
A. Two bobsledders race to victory — speed
B. Two goals for Sid in the title game — gold
C. Two degrees the likely high temperatures — cold
D. Two men holding hands — jailed
8. At age 60:
A. Fred Couples will be retiring from the Champions Tour
B. Tiger Woods will be looking for a 25-year-old blonde girlfriend
C. Peyton Manning will be enshrined in the Football Hall of Fame
D. Tim Tebow will still be looking for a team to sign him to play quarterback.
9. The strangest things you see on TSN:
A. Wild and wacky top 10 lists
B. Spirited arguments on hockey panels
C. Crazy hair styles on the female announcers
D. A map of Canada on the wall, totally blank except for the streets of Toronto
10. Tiger Woods can’t be blamed for:
A. Sluggish television ratings for golf broadcasts
B. Sluggish sales of Nike sports equipment
C. Sluggish growth of the game in the U.S.
D. Slugging Brandel Chamblee
• Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “Tiger Woods’s agent threatened legal action after Golf Channel commentator Brandel Chamblee accused the golfer of cheating. ‘Where were you four years ago?’ said Elin Nordegren.
• Greg Cote of the Miami Herald: Lexi Thompson won her second career LPGA golf title last week at age 18. My biggest accomplishment at 18 was balancing on one foot and pulling a sock onto the other without falling.”
• Cote again: “The Toronto Maple Leafs’ locker room victory song is Miley Cyrus’s We Can’t Stop. Not sure what’s more surprising: That they’d choose that song. Or that they’d admit it.”
• Bob Molinaro of Hampton, Va. pilotonline.com: “The Rams simply embarrassed themselves by reaching out to 44-year-old Brett Favre, whose only pitches these days are for Wrangler jeans. How far down the Rams’ call list, I wonder, is Sonny Jurgensen?”
• Comedy writer Jim Barach: “The St. Louis Rams reportedly tried to talk Brett Favre into a comeback. To which Favre told them, once he retires 27 times he means it.”
• Randy Turner of the Winnipeg Free Press, on Twitter: “I bought a pair of Zoomies just to see the odds of the Blue Bombers making the playoffs.”
• RJ Currie of sportsdeke.com: “Manitoba skip Mike McEwen graces the cover of the 2014 Men of Curling Calendar. Word is if you look closely at McEwen’s head you’ll see a tiny inset of Jeff Stoughton.”
• Brad Dickson of Omaha World-Herald: “It was 49 degrees for Game 1 of the World Series. Boston Red Sox players were sticking their hands in their beards to stay warm.”
• This isn’t sports-related in the least, but Brad Dickson shows no respect for Canada by pointing out: “The fossilized remains of a dinosaur were discovered in Canada. Now, anthropologists will try to determine the cause of death. Because it’s Canada, I’m guessing the dinosaur died of boredom.”
• Another one from RJ Currie of sportsdeke.com: “Just how ‘youthful’ is San Jose Sharks rookie Tomas Hertl? He lost a tooth the other day and put it under his pillow.”
• Another one from Dickson, on Advil being named the official pain reliever of the NHL: “This is the second-most lucrative endorsement deal, next to being the official bail bondsman of the NFL.”
• Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, on Fantex Brokerage’s plans to sell stock in Texans RB Arian Foster: “Darn. My broker has me invested in Matt Schaub.”
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